Story

Read the following Story and One Word that can explain the Whole Story...The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

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MODERN VERSION...The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.BBC, CNN, EURO-NEWS, NDTV, FOX NEWS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper.

Opposition MP's stage a walkout.

Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Indian Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by BBC,CNN, AAJ TAK and NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice".Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly...

Got The Answer...???




YES... You Got It Right...Some call it RESERVATION n Some call it QUOTA!

Laloo Prasad Yadav

Once Laloo Prasad Yadav sent his Bio Data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks. Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad Yadav jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference immediately: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko America mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padhkar sunaongaa ? Par letter Angreeze main hai - isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would
inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. This was their scenario................. But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.......

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support... withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately, there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.

In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree. I

ts three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.

Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination : Russia

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.

The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right. And......... !!!! we live happily ever after !!!!

Bush on the prowl

During practice rounds in Beijing, President Bush discussed foreign policy with U.S. beach volleyballer Misty May-Treanor. Or was he giving her his approval rating? Outlining his plan for peace in the Middle East?

One-liners

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: 'Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.'

In a Japanese hotel: 'You are invited to take full advantage of the chambermaid.'

Outside a Budapest dress shop: 'Dresses for ladies street walking.'

In a Bangkok temple: 'It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner dressed as a man.'

In a Tokyo bar: 'Special cocktails for the ladies with big nuts.'

MASSIVE SALE. Wedding Gowns from £50. Bridesmaids from only £10 while stocks last.
North Yorkshire Gazette and Herald

FOR SALE. BOWELS. Almark Sterling. Size 2m. Stamped 07. Set of four. Little used. £55.
Eastern Daily Press.

VERY LARGE bag of boys assorted; £10 for the lot.

On Wednesday the Literary Society will meet in the Village Hall and the soloist will sing for us 'Put Me in Your Little Bed' accompanied as usual by the Vicar.
Yeovil Parish Magazine

Sloth: The final session of the Lent course on Sloth has been postponed.

Sick gift: Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For the Sick' is for monetary donations only.

Fatal error: "Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case."

Espied in a hotel in Colombo: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedchamber, the management suggest to patrons that the palm court be used for this purpose."

Found hanging in a bar in Bangalore: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

A high profile crack down on prostitution is in the pipeline once the Labour Party conference is over

Police sniffer dog finds crack in woman's bottom

Woman complains that doctor she was under is getting on top of her

Seven foot doctors sue hospital over staff cuts

Enraged bull attacks red-haired farmer with axe

Woman sent to prison for eight years for sex with boys

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

President Clinton places Dick In Al Gore's hands

Man struck by lightning to face battery charge

Girl scullers set record in bringing up the rear.

An Elsan chemical toilet has disappeared from a hut at Corton's golf course. Lowestoft police are investigating the theft, but say they have nothing to go on.

One-legged escapee rapist still on the run.

Man assists police in rape of nurse.

For Sale: Diamond cluster gold engagement ring. ‘Forever’ engraved inside band. Only six months old.

The monthly Weight Watchers meeting will be held at 7pm in the village hall. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

For sale: child's stool. hardly used. Great for use in garden.

Today both south and north ends of the Church are open. The vicar will baptise children at both ends.

Meeting of the young mothers' club today. Those wishing to become young mothers please see the vicar in the vestry.

Ladies of the Church have cast off clothing and may be seen in the crypt every Tuesday evening

Killer gets life sentence plus pizza in plea deal

A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.

Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn't provide a refund.

The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said.

Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.

After Wednesday's sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal — calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.

Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.

Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals.

Two arrested after using barbecue pit as a weapon

ALEXANDRIA, La. -A man and a woman found a new use for a barbecue pit _ one that landed them in jail. An argument over whether a third guest should stay in the house got so heated that the woman picked up the barbecue pit and hit the man over the head with it, police said.

The man picked up the barbecue pit and returned the favor and hit the woman in the head with it, police reported. The woman then told police that she picked up the barbecue pit and hit the back window of the man's car with it.

Police admit that the whole situation was confusing, but after medics treated the man and the woman, they were handcuffed, read their rights and taken to jail.

The man was booked on a charge of aggravated battery and the woman was booked with aggravated battery and simple criminal damage to property valued less than $500.

OSHO explains what happened to him while in prison in the USA!

This is a lecture, where OSHO explains what happened to him while in prison in the USA!

Osho:

My beloved ones,

I have been away from you much too long. It has been a very painful absence for me. For seven weeks continuously I have been only filled with your love, your patience, your thirst, your longing.

These days were remarkable in many ways. Seven weeks before, I was infected in the ear. It was a simple thing; according to the best expert available here, Dr. Jog, it cures in four days at the most -- but it continued for seven weeks. He has never come across such a case in his life. He could not believe it, because no medicine was working. He tried all kinds of medicines, all kinds of ointments. Finally he had to do an operation, but then the wound of the operation was not healing. Doctor Devageet thought perhaps it was something to do with my teeth -- he is my dental surgeon -- but nothing was found.

My personal physician, Dr. Amrito, immediately informed all sannyasin doctors around the world and asked them to contact the best experts about poisoning, because his own analysis was that unless I have been poisoned there is no possibility to explain why my body has lost all resistance.

And as this idea became stronger in his mind, step by step he started searching into the matter and he found all the symptoms that can happen only if some kind of poison has been given to me.

I myself had been suspicious about it, but I have never mentioned the fact to anybody. The day I was arrested in America for no valid or even invalid reason, they refused to bail me out -- although the United States attorney argued for three days and concluded in the end by saying, "I have not been able to prove anything against him, but neither has the other party been able to prove anything."

It was hilarious, because the innocent cannot prove his innocence by any means, and no law in the whole world requires that an innocent person should prove his innocence. The burden was on the government of America, which had arrested me, to prove the reason for my arrest.

And even though the United States attorney himself accepted the defeat, still the magistrate denied me bail. I had immediately an intuitive flash -- what could be the reason? We offered to the government our own jet plane so that their pilot, their officers, could take me to Oregon because that was where the court had to take the case. The journey was only five or six hours at the most, but the government refused that offer. They said, "Only our airplane will take you." And their airplane took me to Oregon -- a six-hour flight was completed in twelve days.

I was taken from one jail to another jail. In twelve days I had to pass through six jails, all over America.

In Oklahoma my suspicion became a certainty, because I landed in the middle of the night at a silent airport, and the U.S. Marshal himself was there to take charge of me. He himself was driving the car, I was sitting behind him. The man who was giving the charge to him whispered in his ear -- which I could hear without any effort, I was just behind him. He said, "This guy is world-famous and all the world news media is focused on him, so don't do anything directly. Be very careful."

I started thinking, What is their intention? What do they want to do indirectly? And as I reached the jail their intention became very clear to me.

The U.S. Marshal asked me not to fill in the form with my own name. I should write instead, "David Washington" as my name. I said, "According to what law or constitution are you asking me to do such a stupid thing? I simply refuse, because I am not David Washington."

He insisted, and he said, "If you don't sign the name `Washington' you will have to sit in this cold night on this hard steel bench."

I asked him, "You are a reasonable man, well educated; can't you see that it is a stupid thing you are asking me to do?"

He said, "I cannot answer anything. I'm simply fulfilling the orders from above." And `above' certainly means Washington, the White House, Ronald Reagan. Seeing the situation -- I was tired -- I told him, "Let us compromise. You fill in the form, you write whatever name you want to write. I will sign it."

He filled in the form. David Washington was my name, and I signed my own signature in Hindi. He asked me, "What have you signed?"

I said, "It must be David Washington." I said, "This will be a reminder to you that anything that you want to do -- directly or indirectly -- you will be caught. It is with your handwriting that you have written David Washington and it is my signature, which is world-famous and can be recognized without any difficulty. Your whole conspiracy has failed. I can see it clearly in your eyes, in your nervousness, in your trembling hands."

The idea was that if I write David Washington and sign David Washington, I can be killed, poisoned, shot and there will be no proof that I ever entered the jail. I was brought from the back door of the airport, I entered the jail also from the back door, in the middle of the night so that nobody can be ever aware -- and only the U.S. Marshal was present in the office, nobody else.

He took me to the cell and told me to take one of the mattresses, utterly dirty, full of cockroaches. I said to him, "I am not a prisoner. You should behave a little more humanly. And I will need a blanket and a pillow."

And he simply refused: "No blanket, no pillow. This is all you will get." And he locked the door of that small, dirty cabin.

Strangely enough, in the early morning at five o'clock he opened the door and he was a completely changed man. I could not believe my eyes, because he had brought a new mattress, a blanket, a pillow. I said, "But in the night you were behaving in such a primitive way. Suddenly you have become so civilized."

And he offered me breakfast early in the morning -- five o'clock. In no other jail I was offered breakfast before nine o'clock. I said, "It is too early -- and why are you paying so much attention?"

But he said, "You have to eat it quick, because within five minutes we have to leave for the airport."

I said, "Then what is the purpose of the mattress and the blanket and the pillow?"

He said nothing and simply closed the door. The breakfast was not much: just two slices of bread soaked in a certain sauce -- I could not figure out what it was -- tasteless, odorless.

Now, Dr. Amrito feels I was poisoned. Perhaps they poisoned me in all the six jails; that was the purpose of not giving me bail and that was the purpose in taking twelve days to complete a journey of six hours. A slow poisoning which will not kill me immediately, but in the long run it will make me weak -- and it has made me weak.

Since those twelve days in the American prisons, all sleep has disappeared. Many things started to happen in the body which were not happening before: disappearance of all appetite, food seeming to be absolutely without taste, a churning feeling in the stomach, nausea, a desire to vomit... no feeling of thirst, but a tremendous sense as if one is uprooted.

Something in the nervous system also seems to have been affected. At times there has been a sensation of tingling all over the body which was very strong -- particularly in both my hands -- and a twitching of the eyelids.

The day I entered the jail I was one hundred and fifty pounds; today I am only one hundred and thirty pounds. My food is the same, but I have been losing weight for no reason at all. And a subtle weakness... And just three months ago, the bone in my right hand started hurting tremendously.

These are all symptoms of certain poisons. My hair has fallen, my eyesight has become weaker, my beard has become as white as my father's beard was when he was seventy-five. They have taken away almost twenty years of my life.

Dr. Amrito immediately informed all the doctors who are my sannyasins to approach all the best poison experts in the world. And one of the doctors, Dr. Dhyan Yogi, immediately took my blood samples, urine samples, samples of my hair, and went to England, to Germany, to the best experts. The European experts suggest that after two years there is no poison which can be detected in the body, but all the symptoms show that a certain poison has been given.

No resistance against disease, falling weight without any reason, hair becoming white before its time, hair falling out without any reason, tingling sensations in the extremities, loss of appetite, tastelessness, nausea, the bone pain in my right hand... One of the experts, a doctor from Germany had come twice to check my bone; he could not figure out what kind of disease it is -- because there is no disease. The expert here -- Dr. Hardikar, a man who loves me -- has been here continuously watching for three months and has not been able to figure out why this pain should be there.

The European experts in England and Germany have suggested a name of a certain poison, thallium. It is a poison of a family of poisons of heavy metals. It disappears from the body in eight weeks' time, but leaves its effects and destroys the body's resistance against diseases. And all the symptoms that I have told you are part of thallium poisoning.

The American experts have suggested a different poison which they think has been used by governments against rebellious individuals. The name of the poison is synthetic heroin. It is one thousand times more dangerous than ordinary heroin. All the symptoms are the same as with thallium, but the poison is more dangerous and after two years there is no possibility to find any trace of it in the body.

The Japanese experts, who have been working in Hiroshima and Nagasaki on atomic radioactivity, have suggested that these symptoms can also be created in a more sophisticated way by radioactive exposure -- either while I was asleep, or food can be exposed to radioactivity and there is no way to find any trace of it.

One of the scientists who is immensely interested in me is coming within a week or two. He has been working for twenty years only on radioactivity. His suggestion is that the Americans, the bureaucracy in America, must have used the most sophisticated poisoning which leaves no trace.

Dr. Amrito's own research...and he is a genius as far as medical science is concerned. He is a fellow of the Royal Society of Physicians in England, and he is a rare individual in the sense that he is the youngest man ever accepted by the Royal Society of Physicians as a member. He has all the highest qualifications. His own research is about a fourth, very uncommonly used poison. The name of the poison is fluorocarbon. This poison disappears immediately. Even within minutes, you cannot find any trace in the blood, in the urine, but all these symptoms indicate towards it.

It does not matter which poison has been given to me, but it is certain that I have been poisoned by Ronald Reagan's American government.

There is other circumstantial evidence for it. Because they had no evidence against me -- I have not committed any crime -- they blackmailed my attorneys, the best in America. The United States attorneys told my attorneys, "If you are interested in Bhagwan's life, it is better not to go for trial, because you know and we know that he has not committed anything, that all thirty-four charges are false. But in no case will the government of America be willing to be defeated in the court by a single individual."

They had named the case United States of America versus Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. Now the greatest nation in the world, the greatest power in history, naturally would not like to be defeated in the court by a powerless individual.

My attorneys came to me with tears in their eyes. They said, "We are here to protect you, but it seems impossible. We cannot take the risk to go for trial, because we have been told very directly that your life is at risk. So we have agreed on your behalf to accept two nominal charges, just to give the American government a face-saving device, so that they can fine you and deport you."

This was just ten minutes before the court was to start, and in the Federal Court, Judge Leavy asked me just about those two charges that had been chosen by my attorneys to be accepted because they were just formalities. It was strange that out of thirty-four charges, Judge Leavy immediately asked me only about those two: "Are you guilty of those two crimes or not?" It is clear that Judge Leavy was also part of the whole conspiracy.

But I am a crazy man of my own type. I simply said, "I am." And my attorney, Jack Ransom immediately added -- he was standing by my side -- "guilty." So on the court record it has become the full sentence, "I am guilty." I have not said that at all. I would rather be crucified than to accept a false charge.

Outside of the court Jack Ransom told me, "You created such a strange situation. It is good that Judge Leavy has not taken note of it."

He immediately pronounced his judgment. That too is a strange thing. The judgment has to be written after my acceptance or denial, but the judgment was ready-made. It was there on the table, he simply read it out. Perhaps the judgment was not even written by him. Perhaps it was just given to him.

The judgment was that I was to be fined four hundred thousand dollars. My attorneys were shocked; they could not believe that for those two formal charges, which are false, more than half a crore rupees are fined; deportation from America, for five years no entry, and if I should enter then ten years suspended jail sentence would have to be served. And I was told that I had to take my clothes from the jail immediately and my plane is waiting at the airport. I have to leave American immediately, so that I cannot appeal in a higher court.

I was taken to the jail. The Portland jail is the most sophisticated kind of jail facility. It was recently built; only three months before it had been opened. It is very sophisticated, with all the latest security measures. As I entered the jail, the ground floor was absolutely empty. There were all kinds of offices but there was nobody in those offices.

I asked the man who had taken me to the jail, "What is the reason why the whole ground floor is empty?"

He said, "I don't know."

But I looked into his eyes and I could see -- he knows.

As I was taken inside there was only one man in one room. The other man immediately left and the man in the room told me to sit on a particular chair. That was also strange because there were so many chairs; I could have chosen any. But he indicated to me that I had to sit on this chair. And he said, "I have to go to get the signature of my boss, so you will have to wait for at least ten, fifteen minutes."

Later on I came to know that there was no need of any signature of any boss. I myself could see on the form, and I asked the man, "Where is the signature of your boss? There is no need; the only need is my signature that I have received my clothes. No other boss is needed to sign it."

He was so nervous he was perspiring -- in an air-conditioned room. And because he was holding the form in his hand... the form was trembling, the hand was trembling.

As I reached the airport the rumor reached immediately to me that a bomb had been found underneath my chair where I was sitting for fifteen minutes. Perhaps this was the arrangement, that if I insist for trial and don't accept that I have committed two crimes then it is better to finish me by exploding the bomb. That's why the whole ground floor was empty. And even the man in the room who was to give me my clothes disappeared in the name of taking the signature of his boss, and locked the room from outside. But because I had accepted the guilt and I had been fined, I had been told to leave America immediately, the bomb was not exploded. He must have gone to enquire what he was supposed to do, because he was not aware what had happened in the court.

One of my attorneys -- and also my sannyasin -- Swami Prem Niren is present here. I had left him two years before in tears in America, and he is still in tears -- tears of love and trust and immense helplessness against the primitive, brutal, and violent heritage of man.

Only such tears give a hope that one day man will be out of the clutches of animality. Niren knows the inside story of what happened to me and my beautiful commune, how brutally they were destroyed because of religious persecution by the fundamentalist, fanatic and bigoted Christians and politicians just because they could not tolerate a beautiful thing happening. They were aware that this was the beginning of the new man and the end of the old, of which they are the representatives. These parasites of the society completely forgot all democratic values and humanitarian concepts when it was a question of their own vested interests being in danger. The commune in Rancho Rajneesh of five thousand sannyasins had exposed the priests and politicians and their conspiracy against humanity as such.

Another one of my attorneys -- Bob McCrea, a beautiful man with some understanding of what was happening -- told Vivek, my caretaker, after my last appearance in court, "It seems and feels to me that they have done it again. They have crucified Jesus again. I'm sorry and I feel so helpless."

It is absolutely certain that I had been poisoned, and these seven weeks I have been in an immense struggle.

I don't have any reason to live in the world. I have experienced, I have realized the very essence of eternal life, but something else forces me to linger on a little more on this shore before leaving for the further shore beyond.

It is you, it is your love.

It is your eyes, it is your hearts.

And when I say `you' I don't mean only those who are present here; I also mean all those who are spread all over the earth -- my people.

I would like these small sprouts to become trees. I would like to see the spring come to you all, the flowering of your ultimate being, the blissfulness and the ecstasy of enlightenment, the taste of the beyond.

These seven weeks you were not aware... you were simply thinking I was sick. Doctor Premda, my eye surgeon, had immediately rushed from Germany with the recentmost medications, but nothing helped against the poisons except my meditations -- the only medicine that can transcend all that belongs to matter.

These seven weeks I have been lying in darkness almost the whole day and night, silently witnessing the body and keeping my consciousness unshadowed by anything.

I was struggling with death.

It was a fight between death and your love.

And you should celebrate that your love has been victorious.

This time Jesus has been crucified in America by Christians themselves.

But there is a strange story that Christians go on hiding from the world. They say that Jesus was crucified and after three days there was resurrection, but they don't say what happened after resurrection, where Jesus disappeared, whether he died after resurrection or not. If he has not died then he must be around somewhere. But the reality is, after Jesus was taken down from the cross -- and he was taken down from the cross only after six hours. The Jewish cross does not kill anybody in six hours; it takes forty-eight hours for any healthy man to die on a Jewish cross. And Jesus was a young man, thirty-three years old; six hours could not kill him, there is no possibility.

It was a certain arrangement between the disciples of Jesus and Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor of Judea where the Jews insisted that Jesus should be crucified. Pontius Pilate was not willing, because the man was innocent. But politicians are politicians. They cannot annoy the masses; they depend on the masses. Unwillingly, he gave the orders for Jesus' crucifixion but he made arrangements that the crucifixion should be on Friday and should be delayed for as long as possible. So in the afternoon Jesus was crucified.

Jews stop all work by the evening as the sun sets on Friday for their sabbath. Saturday they don't work at all. Because of this tradition Pontius Pilate and Jesus' disciples took advantage of the situation. Jesus had to be brought down from the cross because it was against the Jewish idea of sabbath; he would have to be crucified again after the sabbath was over.

He was kept in a cave which was guarded by a Roman soldier, not by a Jew, and in the night he was taken out from the cave. He was not dead... and the most surprising thing is that he escaped from Judea and he died in India. His grave is in Kashmir in a small village, Pahalgam. I have been to his grave. It is the only grave in India on which there is an inscription in Hebrew. The inscription says, "Joshua, the prophet of the Jews lies here in eternal sleep." Joshua is Jesus' real name, his Hebrew name. Jesus is his Greek name.

He lived a long life in India, one hundred and twelve years. And pahalgam in Kashmiri means "the village of the shepherd." Jesus used to call himself the shepherd, and he had gone there with his disciples -- because of him, the village became known as Pahalgam.

The story is repeated again. I was crucified-this time in America... and these seven weeks I have been struggling against the poison.

And I am happy to declare to you that the crucifixion is over and I am resurrected.

It is symbolic that Jesus is crucified this time in America and is resurrected in India. It is symbolic in many dimensions. It is the victory of love over hate. It is the victory of life over death. It is the victory of East over West. It is the victory of truth over criminals like Ronald Reagan. It is the victory of consciousness over body.

These seven weeks I have been only thinking of you.

It would have been immensely painful for me to leave you in this beautiful state when you have started growing upwards.

My garden is still a nursery.

I would leave the body rejoicingly the day I see you all have blossomed and you have released your fragrance and you have attained your destiny. The day I see the great pilgrimage -- from here to here, from crucifixion to resurrection -- is over for you all then I can go with a dancing heart and melt into the universal consciousness.

And I will be waiting there for you still.

It is certainly of tremendous importance that even after twenty centuries a man like Jesus will be crucified by Christians themselves. It was a conspiracy of the fundamentalist Christians of America and Ronald Reagan.

Perhaps civilization is still an idea -- it has not happened in reality.

I would like my people to transform themselves and through them I would like to bring authentic civilization and humanity to this beautiful planet.

There is only one religion, and that is the religion of love.

There is only one God, and that is the God of celebration, of life, of rejoicing.

This whole earth is one and the whole humanity is one. We are parts of each other.

I have no complaint against those who have poisoned me. I can forgive them easily. They certainly do not know what they go on doing.

It is said that history repeats itself. It is not history that repeats itself; it is the unconsciousness of man, the blindness of man that repeats itself. The day man will be conscious, alert and aware, there will not be any repetition anymore. Socrates will not be poisoned, Jesus will not be crucified, Al-Hillaj Mansoor will not be murdered and butchered. And these are our best flowers, they are our highest peaks. They are our destinies, they are our future. They are our intrinsic potential which has become actual.

I am sure you will not have any anger in your hearts or any hatred for anyone, but just an understanding and a loving forgiveness.

That is the only authentic prayer. And only this kind of prayerfulness can raise humanity to higher levels of consciousness.

I have absolute inner certainty: they may have been able to poison my body, my nervous system, but they cannot destroy my consciousness, they cannot poison my being. And it was good that they have given me a chance to see myself beyond my body, beyond my mind.

These seven weeks have been a fire test. Without your knowing you have always, each moment of these seven weeks, been a tremendous help to me. Without your love it would not have been possible for me to overcome the poison, because without your love there would be no need for me even to struggle. I am fulfilled and absolutely contented; I have arrived home. But I see you are stumbling, groping, and it will be very heartless and uncompassionate for me to leave you in this situation. I would like in all your lives a sunrise, the birds singing and the flowers opening. Other than that, I don't have any reason to be here at all.

Remember it: I am here for you.

That remembrance will help you not to go astray. That remembrance will help you to be aware of the uncivilized world in which we are living, in this madhouse that we call humanity. It will go on reminding you that we have to give birth to a new man and to a new humanity.

This is the tremendous challenge. Those who have guts and intelligence and a desire and a longing to touch the farthest stars... only those very few people have been able to understand me, have been able to become my fellow travelers. I don't have any followers -- I have only lovers and friends and fellow travelers.

I would like you all to reach to the same beatitude, to the same blissfulness, to the same ecstasy that has become my very heartbeat. It is also the heartbeat of the whole universe.

A Panel of Indian Doctors @ premiere Sare India Medical Institute

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body', while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists said the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say 'no'.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some @sshole in administration.

Left Suicide

A letter to the Left

Your tenure in government seems to have ended. How different things were four years ago! Four years ago you were faced with a unique opportunity. The "communal" BJP-led NDA had suffered a surprising electoral defeat. The "secular" UPA was to take over the reins of government. In a hung house, you with your 60 MPs formed the crucial outside support to the government. At that time you smiled broadly with your hands held aloft with other leaders of the UPA. You delivered sharp soundbites on the Common Minimum Programme, on the basis of which you gave your support. With your best ever electoral performance, it seemed as if the Communists had finally arrived on India's national stage.

Today, four years later, where are you? The Congress government is getting ready to survive its remaining few months in power without you. Prakash Karat's dream of the "non Congress" "non BJP" Third Front lies in tatters. Mulayam Singh Yadav with whom you once shared an anti-Bush platform has ditched you and made common cause with your dreaded Indo-US nuclear deal. The CPI has long ceased being a national party and the CPM is preparing to go back to writing stirring editorials in People's Democracy. In a few months, AK Gopalan Bhavan will wear a deserted look. Even the TV cameras will switch off. Alas, comrades. You are men and women of such unimpeachable personal honesty, such depth of scholarship among so many of your leaders and sympathizers. You have stood sentinel against religious hatred and never hesitated to scream out against social evils. Yet in the end, you have scripted your own tragic drama of irrelevance.

Why did this happen? Your first mistake was that you refused to join the government or take on ministerships. You preferred to be the eternal college campus rebel, always oppositional, always agitational, but never responsible, or adult enough to recognize that in this country, managing change is about negotiating a myriad interest groups. You could have taken over portfolios like the HRD ministry or Women and Child Development where your progressive commitments and social sector expertise would have been put to excellent service of the people. But you refused to hunker down and work with processes of governance, instead you preferred to criticise from the sidelines. Perhaps you are just in love with your own youthful avatar, refusing to grow up because you cannot accept that you are no longer fiery and young. Perhaps your rage against the world is simply fury against the inexorable truth of advancing years.

Your second mistake was that you failed to realize that you are aged in a country of the young; you have failed to come to terms with the new India. Economic globalization, despite your consistent opposition, is raging through the country like a wildfire. Like it or not, India's young are rushing towards new opportunities with open arms. Today a constable from Himachal can become a wrestler on the world stage. A police officer's orderly can become an Indian idol. The son of a Congress worker can build a telecom empire. The son of sweepress can set up his own fast food business. A conquering cricket team can be made up of boys whose fathers are railway mechanics and tyre repairmen. Icons of the poor like Mayawati are not dressed in rags and jholas, instead they are proudly clad in diamonds and silk, embodying the tidal wave of aspiration that every reporter sees in the dirt tracks of UP and Bihar. There are lots of things wrong with this New India. It does not have the social conscience you like, it is creating vast inequalities between rich and poor, it is pauperizing traditional trades and providing little hope for those scratching out worms from riverbeds to survive.

But this New India is also shaping itself into an avalanche of upward mobility. You are trying to tame the avalanche. You have stalled pension reform, stalled banking reforms and for long stalled the privatization of airports.You did not realise that keeping airports as a state monopoly was only preserving it as a sector for the rich. That all over the world air travel is dirt cheap precisely because it is privatized. When leaders like AB Bardhan say, "Baadh mein jaye Sensex" (to hell with the Sensex)he pours scorn on millions of middle class Indians who invest and trade.

But what must lead you to BJP-style atma chintan is the crisis confronting you in your bastions. In Kerala you are factionalised in a way that makes even the Congress look good. You are split wide open down the middle. In Bengal you badly misread what happened in Nandigram leading to shocking gram panchayat defeats in both Nandigram and Singur as well as recently, very important defeats for you in civic body elections. Last year, your protests against joint Indian and American naval exercises got little response from the public. This year your so-called campaign against petrol price hike was largely ignored by the people.

Your opposition to the nuclear deal once again shows your distance from India. Sure, it's a commercial transaction, but why is anything to do with commerce necessarily evil? Even at the height of the Cold War 2 million Indians lived in the US. The links between India and America are so massive, that as a leading economist put it, the Indo-US nuclear deal is an offshoot of a long process of civic exchange with America, not the basis of it. You hate America, but do Indians feel the same? There are important reasons to criticise a country that bombs and invades other countries at will, but there is also the need to recognize that anti-Americanism is hardly hardwired into the Indian DNA.

No to nuclear deal, no to reforms, no to change, no to newness, no to price rise, no to America, negativism seems a reflex action. Your contempt for change, your constant lamentation, your moral righteousness are incongruous in a country shouting "Chak de India." Eleven years ago you committed the 'historic blunder' of not letting Jyoti Basu become prime minister because you were unwilling to share power. Today you have committed suicide because you did not know how to use power.

it was picked up from

Ms. Sagarika Ghose writings

Carrot and Barthon decided to create a Maya Stew with the help of Aagwani

Carrot and Barthon decided to create a Maya Stew with the help of Aagwani

Carrot in a excited tone remarked Barthan I have an idea lets make a grand recipe called Maya Stew. Aagwani who was sleeping on the table yawned and said whom to set fire? Barthan remarked wryly Aagwani only thinks of setting fire. Carrot laughed and said it "the role he is playing is to set the community fire. Aagwani reacted and said carrot you idiot you are the one who started all this. Barthan said ok guys calm down let’s figure out how we are going to go about in creating this community stew called Maya stew with the help of community fire from Aagwani. Barthan looked at Aagwani with his morbid smile and said “hope you have enough of astrological gas with you” Aagwani replied "not to worry my head to toe is filled up with powerful community shaking astrological gas".

Carrot said ok then lets stich the recipe .........I suggest we have

1. One bucketful of Chick Peas Masala [CPM]crap
2. One bucketful of Cold pasta Italiano [CPI] crap
3. ½ bucket of spineless wonder DP Antra Naadu curry
4. Two teaspoon of Ajita churan
5. One Maya Goose
6. ½ Teaspoon of yachuveri powder
7. 8 ½ Teaspoon of raj nathu grinded paste
8. Few ounce of independent oil
9. One Bucketful of rotten Nasha De Augergines [NDA] Indian Baigan
10 Assorted eggs

Carrot was now salivating and said Gentlemen how does the recipe look?

Barthon said in my Barthon we will cook … Aagwani said you cant cook till I set fire to the Barthon. Carrot said the secret sauce to the entire dish is my gall bladder as I have the guts to get cooked with Maya.

Ok the way we will cook is

First we need to whisk Nasha De Augergines in a food processor with assorted eggs till they all froth. Then pour it over Maya Goose and marinate for two days. Wrap the Maya Goose in CPI crap.

Now set Barthan on top of Aagwani ... fire the astrological gas. As Barthan gets heated up pour independent oil to that add raj nathu paste and Ajita Churan. Stir vigorously till they mixed well. Care to be taken no lumps are formed. Then put Maya goose wrap and mix it well with raj nathu and ajita paste. Now Mix CPM crap and Antra naddu curry well. Now pour this mixture over the Maya Goose and allow it to cook well in Aagwani’s community fire. As it begins to boil sprinkle yachuveri powder and close the pot and let it simmer for 20 minutes, chop the carrot and mix it well.

Carrot let out a sigh of satisfaction and said "its me who is going to make THE difference to Maya Stew". Aagwani smirked coz he knew he will cook the carrot in this stew and carrot wont look like a carrot but a pulped paste.

The cooking took place under the distinguished array of chefs like Baitali & Nodi

Unfortunately some unexpected events unfolded few of the whisked eggs became chickens[ around 6] and they jumped out of the Barthan. Chopped carrot disintegrated and his gall bladder sunk like a stone to the bottom of the Barthan. Maya goose got overcooked and let out a foul smell as they forgot to clean its guts properly. CPI and CPM bubbled and overflowed like a stinking gutter and fell on Aagwani and Aagwani fire got extinguished.

Last reported is Barthan cracked and he is still puking with this crap.

Guddagaon Declared as a World Heritage City

Guddagaon Declared as a World Heritage City

The PA rushed into the Chief Minister’s office and excitedly showed him the National Daily, and said “Sir, very good news!”

The CM looked at the newspaper; its headline screamed ‘Guddagaon formally known as Gurgaon has been declared as World Heritage City’. He puffed up with a sense of pride.

Suddenly all his excited ministers trooped into his office. His political advisor, Tabelwala, cooed “Sir, you are a genius! With one master stroke you created a history! Whoever thought changing the name of Gurgaon into Guddagaon will result in this”

Home minister chipped in and gushed “Our CM sahib is capable of transforming the world!”

CM cleared his throat and looked with disdain at his spineless wonder ministers and crisply said “We must capitalize on this in all fronts.”

Finance Minister, Desh ka Dakkan; immediately got up and said “Sir we will save crores of rupees as we don’t need to indulge in wasteful expenditures like road building and any infrastructure” the applause he received was far more than the one he got for his insipid budget presentation.

The Industry Minister, Tehel Sabun got up and said “Not only we must save but we must also attract huge investments. Infact sir I just received the call from the major automobile ancillary industries that they will set up car and bike ancillary units only for Guddagaon citizens!”

Everyone enthusiastically clapped at this good news and CM nodded his head in approval. “That’s good work but we must also have a vision of the future” he intoned.

Sabun looked happy; he had got more approval than Dakkan - that was very good!

“Yes sir, in fact I have already started talking to the tractor manufactures and they are willing to set up tractor manufacturing unit in Guddagaon”

More thunderous applause!

“Not only that honorable members! We are getting three tyre manufactures to set plants only for Guddagaon!”

Much more thunderous applause!

Desh ka Dakkan looked little peeved at the attention Sabun was getting.

The Agriculture Minister, Zameen ke Tara, suddenly woke up from his nap and drawled through his pan filled mouth “Who will do farming in these Gudda?”

Industry minister promptly laughed. The CM interjected “Zameen ke Tare is right, we’ve got to be practical and our initiatives have to be people oriented.”

Industry minister said “Sir, this is based on the study done by world renowned consulting firm Makkan Apnaji. Infact they have projected majority of citizen of Gurgaon…” He chuckles “Sir this is last years report. Anyway they have said most citizen of Gurgaon will shift to driving Tractors because all roads in Gurgaon will disappear.”

On hearing this Zameen ke tare let out a hearty laugh and from his mouth the half-chewed pan-juice sprayed out like a violent red fountain and arcs of droplets gracefully settled on Tehel Sabun’s hand. Tehel looked positively disgusted and glared at the minister.

The environment minister Hawa Hawa who sat observing said “Arrey tare be careful where you are spraying your chemicals!”

Home Minister, Adda Singh, sensing a heated argument, loudly proclaimed “CM sahib I see another great backward integration for Guddagaon”.

The CM looked with surprise towards Adda Singh and said “Backward integration? How?”

Adda Singh prattled on, “As you know sir we are opening Dharu ka Adda everywhere likewise we will promote more adda in this beautiful heritage city. Already plans are in place for Mafia Adda, Chor ka Adda-”

Suddenly, Information & Technology Minister; Munda Varma excitedly inturrupted “I got it sir! We will ask bigadda.com to set up their office in our Guddagaon and they can post articles on various types of Gudda and Adda’s our city!”

The Transportation Minister; Bituman, said “Sir I have an idea!”

Tehel Sabun quipped, “What idea? Your department will not be existing anymore!”

Bituman said “Yes I know, that’s why I would like to take charge of sports ministry which is lying vacant.”

Zameen ke Tare burst out, “What are you planning to promote? Marbles in these gudda’s?”

Bituman brightly chirped, “Not a bad idea we can have world competition! But what I propose is promoting Dirt bike, Safari race etc we can invite Formula 1 to use the entire Guddagaon as their race circuit! It will not only bring money but will be a great entertainment to see these world class cars going up and crashing down into pieces! Such terrain these world class drivers would have never encountered!”

CM said “Wah! What a brilliant idea this will keep the world press in our city all throughout the year!”

The CM looked at his spineless wonder ministers, stood up, and thundered “After hearing and seeing the immense potential I propose we name our party as Gudda party which will not only be an ‘aam admi’ party but also a party with a difference. Also with so much money being saved and with so much earning potential I will give each one of you 25 crores so that you can go ahead and make your constituency into a Gudda.”

There was a roar of approval from the council of ministers.

And so they yelled at top of their voice “Long live Guddagaon! Long live Gudda CM!”