Sunday, July 27, 2008

Left Suicide


A letter to the Left


Your tenure in government seems to have ended. How different things were four years ago! Four years ago you were faced with a unique opportunity. The "communal" BJP-led NDA had suffered a surprising electoral defeat. The "secular" UPA was to take over the reins of government. In a hung house, you with your 60 MPs formed the crucial outside support to the government. At that time you smiled broadly with your hands held aloft with other leaders of the UPA. You delivered sharp soundbites on the Common Minimum Programme, on the basis of which you gave your support. With your best ever electoral performance, it seemed as if the Communists had finally arrived on India's national stage.

Today, four years later, where are you? The Congress government is getting ready to survive its remaining few months in power without you. Prakash Karat's dream of the "non Congress" "non BJP" Third Front lies in tatters. Mulayam Singh Yadav with whom you once shared an anti-Bush platform has ditched you and made common cause with your dreaded Indo-US nuclear deal. The CPI has long ceased being a national party and the CPM is preparing to go back to writing stirring editorials in People's Democracy. In a few months, AK Gopalan Bhavan will wear a deserted look. Even the TV cameras will switch off. Alas, comrades. You are men and women of such unimpeachable personal honesty, such depth of scholarship among so many of your leaders and sympathizers. You have stood sentinel against religious hatred and never hesitated to scream out against social evils. Yet in the end, you have scripted your own tragic drama of irrelevance.

Why did this happen? Your first mistake was that you refused to join the government or take on ministerships. You preferred to be the eternal college campus rebel, always oppositional, always agitational, but never responsible, or adult enough to recognize that in this country, managing change is about negotiating a myriad interest groups. You could have taken over portfolios like the HRD ministry or Women and Child Development where your progressive commitments and social sector expertise would have been put to excellent service of the people. But you refused to hunker down and work with processes of governance, instead you preferred to criticise from the sidelines. Perhaps you are just in love with your own youthful avatar, refusing to grow up because you cannot accept that you are no longer fiery and young. Perhaps your rage against the world is simply fury against the inexorable truth of advancing years.

Your second mistake was that you failed to realize that you are aged in a country of the young; you have failed to come to terms with the new India. Economic globalization, despite your consistent opposition, is raging through the country like a wildfire. Like it or not, India's young are rushing towards new opportunities with open arms. Today a constable from Himachal can become a wrestler on the world stage. A police officer's orderly can become an Indian idol. The son of a Congress worker can build a telecom empire. The son of sweepress can set up his own fast food business. A conquering cricket team can be made up of boys whose fathers are railway mechanics and tyre repairmen. Icons of the poor like Mayawati are not dressed in rags and jholas, instead they are proudly clad in diamonds and silk, embodying the tidal wave of aspiration that every reporter sees in the dirt tracks of UP and Bihar. There are lots of things wrong with this New India. It does not have the social conscience you like, it is creating vast inequalities between rich and poor, it is pauperizing traditional trades and providing little hope for those scratching out worms from riverbeds to survive.

But this New India is also shaping itself into an avalanche of upward mobility. You are trying to tame the avalanche. You have stalled pension reform, stalled banking reforms and for long stalled the privatization of airports.You did not realise that keeping airports as a state monopoly was only preserving it as a sector for the rich. That all over the world air travel is dirt cheap precisely because it is privatized. When leaders like AB Bardhan say, "Baadh mein jaye Sensex" (to hell with the Sensex)he pours scorn on millions of middle class Indians who invest and trade.

But what must lead you to BJP-style atma chintan is the crisis confronting you in your bastions. In Kerala you are factionalised in a way that makes even the Congress look good. You are split wide open down the middle. In Bengal you badly misread what happened in Nandigram leading to shocking gram panchayat defeats in both Nandigram and Singur as well as recently, very important defeats for you in civic body elections. Last year, your protests against joint Indian and American naval exercises got little response from the public. This year your so-called campaign against petrol price hike was largely ignored by the people.

Your opposition to the nuclear deal once again shows your distance from India. Sure, it's a commercial transaction, but why is anything to do with commerce necessarily evil? Even at the height of the Cold War 2 million Indians lived in the US. The links between India and America are so massive, that as a leading economist put it, the Indo-US nuclear deal is an offshoot of a long process of civic exchange with America, not the basis of it. You hate America, but do Indians feel the same? There are important reasons to criticise a country that bombs and invades other countries at will, but there is also the need to recognize that anti-Americanism is hardly hardwired into the Indian DNA.

No to nuclear deal, no to reforms, no to change, no to newness, no to price rise, no to America, negativism seems a reflex action. Your contempt for change, your constant lamentation, your moral righteousness are incongruous in a country shouting "Chak de India." Eleven years ago you committed the 'historic blunder' of not letting Jyoti Basu become prime minister because you were unwilling to share power. Today you have committed suicide because you did not know how to use power.


it was picked up from

Ms. Sagarika Ghose writings

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Carrot and Barthon decided to create a Maya Stew with the help of Aagwani




Carrot and Barthon decided to create a Maya Stew with the help of Aagwani

Carrot in a excited tone remarked Barthan I have an idea lets make a grand recipe called Maya Stew. Aagwani who was sleeping on the table yawned and said whom to set fire? Barthan remarked wryly Aagwani only thinks of setting fire. Carrot laughed and said it "the role he is playing is to set the community fire. Aagwani reacted and said carrot you idiot you are the one who started all this. Barthan said ok guys calm down let’s figure out how we are going to go about in creating this community stew called Maya stew with the help of community fire from Aagwani. Barthan looked at Aagwani with his morbid smile and said “hope you have enough of astrological gas with you” Aagwani replied "not to worry my head to toe is filled up with powerful community shaking astrological gas".

Carrot said ok then lets stich the recipe .........I suggest we have

1. One bucketful of Chick Peas Masala [CPM]crap
2. One bucketful of Cold pasta Italiano [CPI] crap
3. ½ bucket of spineless wonder DP Antra Naadu curry
4. Two teaspoon of Ajita churan
5. One Maya Goose
6. ½ Teaspoon of yachuveri powder
7. 8 ½ Teaspoon of raj nathu grinded paste
8. Few ounce of independent oil
9. One Bucketful of rotten Nasha De Augergines [NDA] Indian Baigan
10 Assorted eggs

Carrot was now salivating and said Gentlemen how does the recipe look?

Barthon said in my Barthon we will cook … Aagwani said you cant cook till I set fire to the Barthon. Carrot said the secret sauce to the entire dish is my gall bladder as I have the guts to get cooked with Maya.

Ok the way we will cook is

First we need to whisk Nasha De Augergines in a food processor with assorted eggs till they all froth. Then pour it over Maya Goose and marinate for two days. Wrap the Maya Goose in CPI crap.

Now set Barthan on top of Aagwani ... fire the astrological gas. As Barthan gets heated up pour independent oil to that add raj nathu paste and Ajita Churan. Stir vigorously till they mixed well. Care to be taken no lumps are formed. Then put Maya goose wrap and mix it well with raj nathu and ajita paste. Now Mix CPM crap and Antra naddu curry well. Now pour this mixture over the Maya Goose and allow it to cook well in Aagwani’s community fire. As it begins to boil sprinkle yachuveri powder and close the pot and let it simmer for 20 minutes, chop the carrot and mix it well.

Carrot let out a sigh of satisfaction and said "its me who is going to make THE difference to Maya Stew". Aagwani smirked coz he knew he will cook the carrot in this stew and carrot wont look like a carrot but a pulped paste.

The cooking took place under the distinguished array of chefs like Baitali & Nodi

Unfortunately some unexpected events unfolded few of the whisked eggs became chickens[ around 6] and they jumped out of the Barthan. Chopped carrot disintegrated and his gall bladder sunk like a stone to the bottom of the Barthan. Maya goose got overcooked and let out a foul smell as they forgot to clean its guts properly. CPI and CPM bubbled and overflowed like a stinking gutter and fell on Aagwani and Aagwani fire got extinguished.

Last reported is Barthan cracked and he is still puking with this crap.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Guddagaon Declared as a World Heritage City



Guddagaon Declared as a World Heritage City

The PA rushed into the Chief Minister’s office and excitedly showed him the National Daily, and said “Sir, very good news!”

The CM looked at the newspaper; its headline screamed ‘Guddagaon formally known as Gurgaon has been declared as World Heritage City’. He puffed up with a sense of pride.

Suddenly all his excited ministers trooped into his office. His political advisor, Tabelwala, cooed “Sir, you are a genius! With one master stroke you created a history! Whoever thought changing the name of Gurgaon into Guddagaon will result in this”

Home minister chipped in and gushed “Our CM sahib is capable of transforming the world!”

CM cleared his throat and looked with disdain at his spineless wonder ministers and crisply said “We must capitalize on this in all fronts.”

Finance Minister, Desh ka Dakkan; immediately got up and said “Sir we will save crores of rupees as we don’t need to indulge in wasteful expenditures like road building and any infrastructure” the applause he received was far more than the one he got for his insipid budget presentation.

The Industry Minister, Tehel Sabun got up and said “Not only we must save but we must also attract huge investments. Infact sir I just received the call from the major automobile ancillary industries that they will set up car and bike ancillary units only for Guddagaon citizens!”

Everyone enthusiastically clapped at this good news and CM nodded his head in approval. “That’s good work but we must also have a vision of the future” he intoned.

Sabun looked happy; he had got more approval than Dakkan - that was very good!

“Yes sir, in fact I have already started talking to the tractor manufactures and they are willing to set up tractor manufacturing unit in Guddagaon”

More thunderous applause!

“Not only that honorable members! We are getting three tyre manufactures to set plants only for Guddagaon!”

Much more thunderous applause!

Desh ka Dakkan looked little peeved at the attention Sabun was getting.

The Agriculture Minister, Zameen ke Tara, suddenly woke up from his nap and drawled through his pan filled mouth “Who will do farming in these Gudda?”

Industry minister promptly laughed. The CM interjected “Zameen ke Tare is right, we’ve got to be practical and our initiatives have to be people oriented.”

Industry minister said “Sir, this is based on the study done by world renowned consulting firm Makkan Apnaji. Infact they have projected majority of citizen of Gurgaon…” He chuckles “Sir this is last years report. Anyway they have said most citizen of Gurgaon will shift to driving Tractors because all roads in Gurgaon will disappear.”

On hearing this Zameen ke tare let out a hearty laugh and from his mouth the half-chewed pan-juice sprayed out like a violent red fountain and arcs of droplets gracefully settled on Tehel Sabun’s hand. Tehel looked positively disgusted and glared at the minister.

The environment minister Hawa Hawa who sat observing said “Arrey tare be careful where you are spraying your chemicals!”

Home Minister, Adda Singh, sensing a heated argument, loudly proclaimed “CM sahib I see another great backward integration for Guddagaon”.

The CM looked with surprise towards Adda Singh and said “Backward integration? How?”

Adda Singh prattled on, “As you know sir we are opening Dharu ka Adda everywhere likewise we will promote more adda in this beautiful heritage city. Already plans are in place for Mafia Adda, Chor ka Adda-”

Suddenly, Information & Technology Minister; Munda Varma excitedly inturrupted “I got it sir! We will ask bigadda.com to set up their office in our Guddagaon and they can post articles on various types of Gudda and Adda’s our city!”

The Transportation Minister; Bituman, said “Sir I have an idea!”

Tehel Sabun quipped, “What idea? Your department will not be existing anymore!”

Bituman said “Yes I know, that’s why I would like to take charge of sports ministry which is lying vacant.”

Zameen ke Tare burst out, “What are you planning to promote? Marbles in these gudda’s?”

Bituman brightly chirped, “Not a bad idea we can have world competition! But what I propose is promoting Dirt bike, Safari race etc we can invite Formula 1 to use the entire Guddagaon as their race circuit! It will not only bring money but will be a great entertainment to see these world class cars going up and crashing down into pieces! Such terrain these world class drivers would have never encountered!”

CM said “Wah! What a brilliant idea this will keep the world press in our city all throughout the year!”

The CM looked at his spineless wonder ministers, stood up, and thundered “After hearing and seeing the immense potential I propose we name our party as Gudda party which will not only be an ‘aam admi’ party but also a party with a difference. Also with so much money being saved and with so much earning potential I will give each one of you 25 crores so that you can go ahead and make your constituency into a Gudda.”


There was a roar of approval from the council of ministers.

And so they yelled at top of their voice “Long live Guddagaon! Long live Gudda CM!”